can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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