i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
