woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
