Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
