dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize