So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
