Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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