we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
