My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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