I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
