Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
