Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
