They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
