and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
