Whod you bang
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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