Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
