He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Congratulations! We have a period
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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