Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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