If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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