Sry I called you an 8
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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