Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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