i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
