Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
