I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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