you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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