Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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