My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
