im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
