You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
