I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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