you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize