I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
