i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize