i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
