i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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