I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
