$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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