I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
