I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
