True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
