..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
