I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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