The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
operation harelip BJ is a go
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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