It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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