dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
