Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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