Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
