Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
