She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
