and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
