How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
