A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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