god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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