I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't trust your balls anymore.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
