it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
