Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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