before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
