I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
