If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
