Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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