Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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