I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
