you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
