this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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