I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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