The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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