The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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